Life By The Slice, The column - observations on life, relationships and humanity - sometimes humorous, sometimes serious, always from the heart.

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RELEASED JANUARY 5, 2004

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

I recently spent ten hours on the road and seeing how my husband slept most of the trip, I had a lot of free time in my mind, so I entertained myself with one of my favorite hobbies -- sign contemplation.

Let me explain. Since I was young, which was a long time ago, I've had this morbid fascination with signs. Any signs. From roadside to billboards and inner city ones. I particularly like them when they're professionally done yet have a misspelling. But really, any sign is fodder for my entertainment.

As I drove through North Carolina, I noticed the Bridges Ice Before Roadways sign, and it got me to thinking -- in Ohio, the signs read Watch For Ice On Bridges -- so, which is better for me as a driver? To be straightaway informed or to merely Watch?

Passing through Virginia there were numerous Falling Rock warnings. Yet in Kentucky, the signs all read Fallen Rock. Does that mean all the rocks have fallen in one state and in another they are constantly falling?

Through a particularly mountainous valley, a lone sign: Land Slides. Yes, it does. I switched lanes, just in case.

At an exit, there was a sign that read Reduced Speed Ahead. I figured as much since I was now on a one-lane ramp versus a six-lane freeway. However, I wondered if the sign read 'Reduce' on it instead of its past-tense cousin, 'Reduced' if more drivers would be inclined to slow down.

When we got to a rest stop, I consulted my Division of Motor Vehicle's handbook. (What, you don't carry one in your glove compartment?) According to it, that sign "...tells drivers that they must prepare to slow down to a lower speed limit ahead."

Whereas, the Speed Zone Ahead sign "...tells drivers that there is a different speed limit ahead." To me, Speed Zone Ahead means just that -- a zone where I am allowed to speed. And why have two different signs that mean nearly the same thing?

Then there was this one -- Aggressive Driver High Crash Area. Is the aggressive driver more dangerous than the leaping deer onto the freeway? Am I the aggressive driver or is he/she lurking behind the next tree?

And finally, traveling through a rural area, I spotted one of the best ones yet -- Blind Drive.

I should certainly hope not.