Life By The Slice, The column - observations on life, relationships and humanity - sometimes humorous, sometimes serious, always from the heart.

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Previous Guest Columns:

We've All Been Shot, by Jackie K. Cooper

Telemarketing Woes, by Amy Eason

Karen Ryan for the News-Press

Valentine's Day Lesson, by Bob Schwartz

Guest Column
Hot off the press!

Barbara Madden is a humor columnist who lives in the Missouri Ozarks with her family and big, black Labrador, Susie Belle. More times than not, if she is drawing a blank while trying to come up with a column idea, her husband of almost 24 years, one of her four children or Susie Belle will conveniently do something inspirationally funny.

Barbara is a member of the International Rotary Club, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, the Missouri Press Association and co-hosts a Saturday morning radio show called Wake Up Willow. Her column "From My Front Porch" appears weekly in the Howell County News and The Cabool Enterprise. Barbara's Website can be found at www.barbaramadden.com

Driving Miss Crazy

We all have at least one pet peeve - that annoying little something
that absolutely drives us crazy.

One particular pet peeve we've been hearing a lot about lately has
to do with the use of cell phones in public. At first, I thought
folks were just being overly sensitive and silly. I surmised the
real reason we become irritated when forced to listen to someone's
phone conversation is because it is quite frustrating to hear only
one side of a conversation. I mean, I want to hear the truth, whole
truth and nothing but …

But recently after attending a meeting where a gentleman sitting on
the front row right in front of the speaker conversed with a
clueless someone via his cell phone, I had a change of heart.

First, the gentleman seemed surprised it was actually his phone that
was ringing. Second, he couldn't seem to remember where it was, and,
finally, when he did find it, and despite answering in a whisper, he
could be heard throughout the room.

"Hello."

"In a meeting."

"Uh huh."

"Well, I'm in a meeting."

"Right, in a meeting."

"I'll call you later after the meeting."

I couldn't really blame the person who called, after all, the man
should have turned his phone off because, well, he was in a meeting.

Most of my personal pet peeves have to do with being unnecessarily
inconvenienced.

For example, the failure of the person in line ahead of me at the
grocery store to have money and coupons handy when the cashier is
ready is almost enough to send me to the express lane with a buggy
filled with way too many items.

Another pet peeve of mine is the habit of some drivers to ride for
half a mile with a turn signal on. More than likely, this is the
same person who while driving a fog-colored car refuses to turn on
his lights in the fog or at dusk because it might run down his
battery.

Then there is the driver who happily travels along in front of you
at five miles per hour under the speed limit while in a no-passing
zone, but the second you're legally clear to pass he speeds up to
five miles per hour over the limit. All I can say is thank goodness
for four-lane highways.

On the home front, one of my pet peeves has to do with dish washing.
My husband is very gracious and often volunteers to tidy up the
kitchen, but inevitably while doing so he will leave the silverware
in the bottom of the sink for someone else to wash.

"I thought they needed to soak," he always says.

To be fair, my husband has a pet peeve about me, as well.

It has to do with my newspaper reading habits and our big, black
Labrador's snacking habits. Suffice it to say, I have had to go out
more than once to buy another newspaper before daddy gets home from
work.

Then there are the age-old issues of commode seats, remote controls
and bed covers-all things that at one time or another have driven me
absolutely crazy.

Fortunately for my family, it's a short trip.

Barbara, who presently has silverware in the sink soaking, lives in
the Missouri Ozarks with her family and big, black Labrador, Susie
Belle.